gin blossoms - til i hear it from you

I was trying to sleep yesterday when this song was played on mix.fm. Yea, I always let the radio on when I sleep because the silence is deafening.

1995. The song was by Gin Blossoms. From the Empire Records movie soundtrack. Liv Tyler, Renee Zelweger, etc. Staying in Shah Alam with 4-5 others, we would rent video tapes to be watched together on weekends.

1995. Grunge. Nirvana. Cranberries. Seattle bands. Reality Bites. Winona Ryder. Ethan Hawke was cool. Junkie-look models. Kate Moss. Checkered flannel shirts.

"Ko pergi mana?"
"WUSHU"
"Pittsburgh!"
"New Mexico"
"NYU!!". "I'm gonna be a New Yorker!!"
"Michigan Ann-Arbor".
"Cornell". "Power sialll".
"Dia anak Ani Arope, dapat choice pergi MIT atau Stanford. Dia nak pergi Stanford sebab murah skit".

Friends left to the States by batches, I was left. I didn't make it. I wasn't good enough for the placing.

Never failed anything major before in my entire life so that sucked.

Something died in me after that, and has yet to recover.

"Time is running out, you have to move faster!!". I keep telling myself. And I'm getting tired.

Friends said I'm competitive, I said I'm trying to be relevant.

1995. I questioned everything.
"Is there a God?"
"Look up, just look up and see." The voice inside my head said.
I looked up and saw the moon. It wasn't the full moon. Earth's shadow made it crescent.
"That's a brilliant mathematical equation! Earth and moon have to be at the position they are now to cast a complete eclipse of the sun or moon!"
I decided there is a God...

Gained my strength and will to live, but something else that died in me has yet to recover. I don't know what it is.

Today, I've been auto-repeating this song the whole day, the only song in my WinAmp playlist. Brought back weird memories that I don't want to remember again, fun memories at college, sad memories of disappointments. I want to know what died...

Security & Stability vs Pushing Limits & Taking Risks

which would you choose?

...then again, don't we know our friends' answers already?

Aquascaping (part iv)

Removed the lid, bought a proper light and a new filter at Ikano.

Released the fries (want some fish with that?) into the main aquarium. And I think 4-5 out of 20+ survived. The rest? Got eaten by their own kind.

Will have to wait for the bacteria to grow, then perhaps I'll change the water, and scout around for DIY chiller.